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{Sherlock BBC} Ordinary Man
eckax
 Title: Ordinary Man
Author: Ecka
Beta: Misanthropyray <3 
Fandom: Sherlock BBC
Rating: G
Pairing: John/Various, John/Sherlock
Word Count: 2500
Warnings: ... Mary Sues and John worshipping?
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over anything worth any money.
Summary: John got Game.

Now in Podfic format! Here!  Read by the lovely Mizg.

ORDINARY MAN

John is, just like his father, a very ordinary man. While he perhaps is a cut above the average man, he is no genius. He types with two fingers and gets maybe a third of the pop culture references in an average Simpsons episode. He is also, again just like his father, very ordinary looking. He does not have a face that people particularly remember, his hair is that dishwater colour that is closer to ugly than beautiful and he looked younger than he was until he hit 25 and then he just started looking, well, old. Not ugly, mind you, just ordinary. Nothing special.

John Watson is the man you introduce your sister too, when she has finally tired of assholes that keep breaking her heart and needs something else for a while.

So, you know. He’s the good guy, the nice guy. Completely ordinary. Just like his father.

His mother, on the other hand…

John’s mother used to be a muse (too beautiful, too extraordinary to be ‘just’ a model) to artists whose paintings cost more than a mansion. She was, and still is, so beautiful that when you talk to her, you blush and stutter and your tongue gets too big for your mouth and in end you decide to be quiet. She has eyes so blue you see them from the other side of the street and a smile that stops hearts. She is two inches taller than her husband and has the grace of a ballet dancer.

So people ask her sometimes, why the ordinary man? Why not a movie star, or better, a prince? Surely a woman who made stars pale in comparison had better offers than the short and stout John Senior who had a working man hands and yellowing teeth.

She answers by laughing until she gets hiccups and says (with a very mischievous smile) that you should always beware the nice ones.

They steal your heart before you even know you have one.

-

“John?”

A voice is heard from the other side of the police tape and everyone turns around to see who said it. They can’t really be blamed though; John is new in the group and hangs out with the most impossible man alive, who has also happened to have declared himself a sociopath, so of course they are all curious.

The sight knocks the air out of them.

A woman with blonde hair that shines even in the dusky street light of a misty day in London is the one who spoke. Her face is narrow with perfectly shaped, brilliant green eyes, framed by long eyelashes. She wears a fashionable trench coat that costs more than John’s entire wardrobe and her legs seem to go on forever.

And John is smiling, perfectly friendly and a tiny bit guarded, and answers,

“Hello Penny,” he ducks under the tape and hugs her close and Anderson is leaning forward to sniff her hair, it smells like hope and sunshine, “How've you been? “

Penny with the golden hair smiles brilliantly and the young policeman, whose job is holding the bags containing severed body parts, is visibly flustered.
“Oh, you know... Nothing special...” she doesn't even acknowledge the others, just stares at John who might be the same height as her when she's not wearing heels, “Got a new job.”

“That’s great!” John smiles back and Penny’s smile broadens a fraction, but before he can say anything else, he gets interrupted by Sherlock who is already bored and is actually hissing at the guy who just dropped the bag with the severed right pinkie. John apologizes and says a quick and very sincere goodbye but as he turns to leave, Penny takes his hand in hers and holds him back, pressing a card with a number on it.

“Please John, I know that...” Her voice falters and she looks so sad and desperate, “I know that I wasn't what you needed, but please, if you ever change your mind,” she is almost begging and her beauty is that of a tragic, fairy tale princess, “please call... John?”

He takes the card and smiles very kindly and kisses her cheek and promises.

As she turns around, she brings a hand up to her eyes and he looks after her for a moment.

There is a crash and the spell is broken, Sherlock is threatening murder and dismemberment and John is calming him down and everything is right back to how it should be.

-

It’s one of those days. The rain is hanging in the air and it gives everyone a headache and keeps everyone on edge, so they’re not talking to each other, just keeping notes and nodding over the body of some poor sod that didn't give a cokehead his phone.

They are packing things up when Anderson crashes into John. Literally. Now, Anderson is not a small guy, but a Watson stands his ground, so Anderson is the one who tumbles to the floor.

John is apologizing and smiling and helps him up. That’s when they see his date.

She is pale skinned and a brunette, with big dark brown eyes. She looks a little bit like a fairy with her short hair and lips like rose petals and, holy shit, is she glowing?

John introduces her as Michelle and she giggles, holding out her hand and Lestrade has to fight pack the urge to bow and kiss it. And the lovely young lady with a laugh like silverbells doesn't really fit here, on the arm of a scarred old soldier and in the dark atmosphere of London. She fits dancing over moors and laughing at foolish mortals.

But well, there she is, beautiful and lovely, looking at John with the gaze of someone that can't believe their own luck and John has been going to the same hairdresser for ten years and still gets the same haircut.

They make small talk for a while until Michelle hugs John’s arm closer and he looks down at her. He smiles at them and makes excuses, shakes their hands and wishes them luck.

Every one is still kind of quiet, because it’s one of those days and John, ordinary kind John, is walking away with a fairy on his arm, who is looking at him like he is the only one in the world and she couldn't wait until they got back to her place, and she is practically floating.

Anderson turns around and mouths “WTF?” and Sally just shrugs.

-

Lestrade is interviewing a woman for a job that’s opened up and he is reading her very impressive resume. Now, Lestrade is happily married with a wife who gets him and he wakes up every morning and wonders how a guy like him was so lucky (it’s been fifteen years and he loves her so much it hurts). But you know, doesn't mean you don't have eyes.

The woman in front of him is breathtaking, slightly darker skin and almond shaped eyes, her hair, which is cut conveniently short, shows off a slender neck and beautiful, soft, unmarred skin. The young detective who showed her in, tripped over her own feet while opening the door.

But Lestrade loves his wife and looks at her beauty the way you look at a painting.

He opens his mouth to ask her about her military career when Sherlock bursts in through the door. The tall man is parading around the room and waving something, talking intensely about poison and how he just solved a twelve year old murder and it was so simple, how could they not have done it before?

Lestrade is about to tell him to bugger off when he catches John’s eyes (right behind Sherlock, like always) and he takes a closer look. Sherlock has dark shadows under his eyes and he is positively frantic in his way of talking and Lestrade gets that it’s either this or the needle. So, he lets Sherlock talk for a moment and then puts a hand on his shoulder and guides him out the door to an officer who would help. He asks Tania to wait and she nods and smiles, which makes the room brighten ever so slightly. Lestrade talks to Sherlock in hushed tones outside his office and tells him to play nice with the one taking the record and he would be out in just a minute, okay?

Sherlock nods and Lestrade knows this is not how it’s supposed to be done but the kid reminds him of a younger brother sometimes and Lestrade is just so soft hearted it’s embarrassing.

He passes John on his way back, they nod to each other but they both have places to be so nothing else, but Tania gets a goodbye and a “nice to see you again”.

“You know him?” Lestrade asks, smiling, and the woman actually blushes. This is a woman who broke her way out of prison camp using a spoon and a bit of string and she is actually blushing.

“We went to high school together,” she sighs and her eyes turn a little misty, “I had such a crush on him,” she smiles softly and a little sadly (seriously, they found her bleeding with three bullets in her body and she called them flesh wounds and killed a man with her bare hands) “but well... it wasn't reciprocated.”

Greg Lestrade looks out the window at John who is standing like a shadow behind Sherlock and is kind of melting into the wall. He looks at Tania again as the sun shines of her hair like a halo.

-

John enters the car and smiles brilliantly at the woman in the back,

“So, what’s the name this time?” like they're old friends and his smile is crinkling the corner of his bright blue eyes and he smells like the nice but cheap soap from the corner shop.

She actually drops her phone.

-

They are standing in the crowd at the pride parade because John is God damn proud of Harry (she’s his baby sister and he was there when she came home with a black eye and split lip just for holding her girlfriend’s hand in public) and is not letting anyone tell him differently.

Sherlock is there because it’s what friends do (he was told so by John and even though he doesn't really get it, sexuality is so boring, he is standing right beside him and is irritated by the rare fine weather, feeling bored and misunderstood. The rest of the team is there because there are still idiots roaming the streets and someone has been threatening the parade of, according to the letter, “freaks and abominations of nature”, so they are standing there and watching the crowd for something suspicious.

It’s all over and John is talking to Sally and Sherlock is making impatient noises but promptly being ignored, when Harry comes bouncing with bright eyes and pretty young man by her side.

The guy has olive coloured skin and dark, soft curls framing burning, dark green eyes. He is tall, lean and well dressed and talks with a bit of an accent as he greets John warmly.

He ignores the rest of them, but sends Sherlock a nasty glance, and kisses John on the cheek. His lips linger a bit too long and you don't have to be Sherlock to see what it means.

John is just smiling, not embarrassed at all, and greets the man warmly. His name is James and his eyes shine like emeralds and his smile could melt the glaciers, and he is looking at John in the way you look at something that slipped through your fingers and you regret for the rest of your life.

The kind of look that you base heartbreaking films on.

-

There is a moment where John looks up at Jim underneath his bloodsplattered fringe and his eyes are hard like marble and his lips are tight together and he’s not saying anything, just glaring and promising a world of hurt that, Jim feels an inkling.

An hour later when he is being helped from the burning pool house by Moran he catches the good doctor’s eye again and he is holding Sherlock’s unconscious body and actually growling with his mouth full of blood and a broken arm that Jim actually smiles.

There is a bouquet of blood red flowers at John’s bedside the next week and on the pre-bought card, there is a big, glittery, red heart.

-

After one particularly taxing day, Anderson just kinda snaps after watching a woman with honey blonde, curly hair and fair skin and a smile that makes bluebirds sing declare her undying love for John. John who is wearing a jumper that makes him look slightly chubby and a pair of jeans that are more than threadbare, and him rejecting her with a soft smile and the words, “We just weren't meant to be, Mary, let it be”.

“How the FUCK does that keep happening?” Anderson is ranting and Sally is leading him away but the Freak is staring at both of them.
“Seriously, why him!?” Anderson is pointing an accusing finger at Dr Watson, taking out all his sexual frustrations on the poor man in a knitted jumper, and Anderson lowers his voice again to stop from making a scene, “Why him? How the hell does the most ordinary man in existence get that much utterly mind-blowingly beautiful tail?”

“There is NOTHING ordinary about John Watson”

The voice behind them belongs to Sherlock Holmes and he is tall and imposing in a perfectly cut coat and he says ordinary like it’s something filthy.

The look Sherlock gives John when he joins him is the kind you build a whole other kind of film on.

-

John’s mother laughs when they ask her why she married a stout man with crooked teeth and rough hands when she could've had a prince.

Clara smiles a bit brokenly when they ask her why she dumped a man who would've given her the world to marry a woman with a rough smile and a drinking problem.

Sherlock stares at them with narrowed eyes when they ask him why he, so brilliant and clever, chose the most ordinary man in the world.

It’s like they don't understand the question.

Authors note; So, I wrote this for the Kink Meme a couple of months ago and since I have now de anoned I though I should post it to my journal... I hope you all like it and have a great weekend!



EPIC WIN ♥

OMG. BAMF!LoveGod!John is awesome, and this fic is hilarious and all kinds of wonderful. :D Your style is great and there are so many awesome punchlines here (like the ones about John's lovers giving him looks films are built on, etc.). I love how NOBODY is immune (OMG even Moriarty! XD), and everyone else's bewilderment is hilarious (especially Anderson's outburst at the end LOL).

Thank you so much for sharing this and making me :D ♥

I can just agree to that! This is brilliant!

I admit to hesitation about this one (the mary sues tend to make me gag) but I'm glad I read this one! I love the idea that John is so ordinary and kind that he could have anyone, but he'll still choose Sherlock. Gorgeously done. Be proud :)

Awww, I love this! John (& Martin Freeman) are totally that "type" of guy that always gets the most beautiful girls falling for them.

This is my favourite line: "The look Sherlock gives John when he joins him is the kind you build a whole other kind of film on.". The whole way through I felt like I had read this before (I definitely haven't) and it was that line that made me realise why I felt like that - your writing has echoes of Neil Gaiman and that's what I was "recognising".

Thank you for sharing this!

I love this! John as the sweet, somewhat unlikely seducer is one of my favorite tropes - it's that three continents charm! I also like to think that irresistible but undefinable charm runs in the family, so I love that you've thrown Harry in there at the end, too!

Oh, hee! I'm so glad no one can see the stupid smile on my face right now. ♥

This is thoroughly enjoyable! Also, a story in which Mary Sues are okay, because they're funny, they remain peripheral, AND they advance the story. Well done!

Also I really like the deployment of Lestrade and Anderson (et al.) as lookers-on.

I love this story. I was just thinking about it last night, actually. Yay! ^_^

I love this so, so much! This made me melt:
you should always beware of the nice ones.
They steal your heart before you even know you have one.

And I especially love that last line:
It’s like they don't understand the question.
So beautiful!!

This works so well! John/Martin is one of those "He's not even that good looking... wanthimsobad" types alright.

My favourite line has to be "It’s like they don't understand the question"

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION.

"you should always beware the nice ones. They steal your heart before you even know you have one."

Very true. :) I really liked this.

You already know that I think this is awesome, but I'm writing it again here anyway.
<3

I can see Watson being just precisely like this. SO awesome!

Anderson is leaning forward to sniff her hair, it smells like hope and sunshine

That sentence has made my week, nay, my month.